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Just a Thought

This one is a bit off color, so if you're squeamish at all, feel free to skip.

I'm in my little Prius after a full day of teaching psych classes at the local community college. I'm stuck at a light behind one of those cars papered in bumper stickers. YAY, bonus for the day!! I love trying to figure people out by the messages they plaster across their back ends. So, I'm sitting, waiting for the light to change, and reading as fast as I can. Then I come across a sticker with a question-"What if Everyone in the World Farted at the Same Time?".

Hmm. Not something I had ever really given consideration. The image, I admit, was a bit disturbing, but I found the idea itself intriguing. What if?

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But instead of envisioning humans packed full of beans that had not been properly soaked, my mind shot immediately to the endless ranches of factory farmed cattle. We know now that these fields and fields of cows are more of a threat to the ozone than all of our transportation emissions combined. What I saw in that moment sitting in front of the Munchie Mart waiting for the green was mud-packed farm after mud-packed farm of uncontrollable bovine belching and passing of gas. Oh, excuse me, pardon me, must have been something I ate. The light changed.

I stopped at the post office to pick up some stamps. The clerk was nice enough and wished me a good day. That's a reflex, I know. She really doesn't care if I have to get three kids to three different places after school. She won't witness the consequences of the dog throwing up on the rug as I'm heading out to drop my sixth grader at track practice. And she has no idea that the laundry is piling up faster than I can get it through the spin cycle. These things are of no relevance to her in her life. But she must bid me a good day anyway. It is written, I believe, somewhere in her service guidelines. So, I picked up my stamps, dropped the dog at the groomer, pulled some cash out of the ATM, and filled the Prius with unleaded.

I'm grooving to my country tunes-a little Brooks and Dunn, Josh Turner, Carrie Underwood-enjoying the warmth of the sun on my body (Finally! Could a Michigan winter be any longer?), and my mind drifts back to the thought of cattle emissions of one sort or another. I imagine cow fart contests, the kind my children used to have when they were younger. I picture mama cows bemoaning the fact that they forced their babies to finish all their cruciferous veggies. I see clouds and clouds of mammal exhaust replacing car fumes on busy highways. A chuckle comes to my lips. Who knew thinking of cow farts could prove a relaxation technique. Maybe I should fire my therapist.

As I am putting together my pasta marinara with a shake of crushed walnuts, I wonder if enough is being done about this factory farmed cattle thing. I've read plenty of articles on the topic, so obviously others are thinking and researching. I know I've heard the issue referenced in books. I do what I can by following a vegan diet. But is this enough? Am I truly giving my best effort to help the cause? Maybe, I think, I need to get off my duff and do a bit more. Maybe I am a smidge too comfortable in my daily routine of dinner making and kid chauffeuring and stamp getting. Maybe I am thinking I do enough already and that someone else can wear the activism crown for awhile.

Really, I don't live in Montana or Colorado or wherever it is that all those farms exist. I don't even live close. And I don't know anyone personally who owns a cattle ranch. What could this Midwestern mother of four possibly do from her snug little suburban colonial? As I see it, the cows exist for people to eat. If the people don't eat the cows, then we don't have so many animals traipsing around those ranches. If there aren't as many factory farmed animals, there is less waste being washed into our water sources and given off into our air supply. Now I have a mission. Now I know what it is that I can do.

I can help decrease demand for factory farmed cattle. I can do that. I can be a healthy example of veganism. I can share information on a vegetarian diet. I can share through writing articles, maintaining a blog, and talking to anyone who will listen. I can talk about how great I feel, how much energy I have, how I am hardly ever sick, and how I have loads and loads of wonderful foods to eat. I can inform and educate rather than cajole and convince. And if none of that works I can bribe. I am not ashamed to admit that I once offered one of my children ten bucks if he would eat no meat for one week. He did. He is now vegetarian. I also offered him cash at another point in time to eat vegan for a week. He is not now vegan. But he is ten bucks richer.

I can do what I can. I know that my efforts will not put an end to factory farming. They will not see a world of total veganism. Neither will they bandage up the ozone. Helen Olsson, in her article Eco Eating which appears in the April issue of Delicious Living magazine, says that "A family of four that cuts out burgers once a week saves the planet 2,225 pounds of carbon emissions a year-the equivalent of unplugging your fridge for 365 days." If I can encourage even one person to include more vegetables in their diet-note I did not say convince someone to go vegan-if I can encourage just one person to eat more broccoli and less steak or hot dogs or chicken breast, I can make a huge difference for the environment. I, Tammie Ortlieb, can make a huge difference-not some PETA higher up, not some Washington congressman, not anybody who knows somebody who knows somebody-uh uh, me, I can make a difference. This mall loving, latte drinking, middle-aged vegan chick can help to bring down the horrid practice of factory farming.

We go about our days generally in a state of this-world-and-my-life-will-last-forever-ness. We tend to the immediate-the lunches, the diapers, the bills, the groceries-while we ignore the important-the earth, the air, the waters, our children's futures. It is not our job, or so we convince ourselves, to worry about greenhouse gases. We must fix the sink and get the dog to the vet. It is the work of activists, bigwigs, political movers and shakers to make eco-happy things happen. But a slight pause in our day, at a red light perhaps, might be just the impetus we need to realize the impact of our actions and to own that responsibility.

I think I will have a bumper sticker made up for my little Prius. It will read-"What if All the Cows in the World Farted at the Same Time?".

12 things you can do today to reduce gas-of the bovine type

1. Offer a gift to a friend or relative as an incentive to eat vegetarian for a week-maybe it's money, maybe a magazine subscription, maybe homemade dinners for a week; whatever the individual's needs or interests, think of something that would enhance their lives as they are enhancing the lives of animals and the health of the planet
2. Tell someone (who doesn't already know!) that you are vegetarian-this inevitably will be followed by questions about your choices and provide you with an opportunity to share the benefits of a plant-based diet
3. Buy 2 copies of Christina Pirello's This Crazy Vegan Life and give them away-Pirello's latest work lays out in no uncertain terms the pluses of a vegan food plan to health, hearth, and planetary happiness
4. Make vegan treats to share with neighbors or coworkers-put a hold on dairy- laden doughnuts and egg-filled cookies and cakes
5. Write a letter, to yourself-reconnect with the reasons you believe in a plant-based diet-animals, environment, health, maybe?
6. Buy a friend lunch at your favorite veggie restaurant-don't have a strict veg cafe? Introduce your friend to a place she may not be familiar with that focuses on local organic health friendly foods.
7. Order a veg message t-shirt-show doubting omnivores what a healthy happy vegan really looks like!
8. Plan a vegan dinner-invite guests to your home for a simple barbecue or a holiday feast. If someone asks to bring something, suggest drinks or cut veggies.
9. Forward the links www.goveg.com or www.tryveg.com to five friends-share a recipe or an interesting nutrition fact.
10. Clean out your own pantry-live with meat eaters or lacto-ovos? Try reducing the amount of animal products you bring into the house. You could even restrict meat and dairy to dinners out.
11. Take a brisk walk-you ARE vegetarianism to those you meet. Set a great example of health and wellness.
12. Read a new vegan book or surf a vegan website-the best way to answer questions is to be informed. Often those with questions are just truly curious. If you can tailor your response to factual material rather than opinion you are that much closer to encouraging another to adopt a kinder gentler way of eating.

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