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Inspiration
 Pinky Swear
by Tammie Ortlieb
Resolutions, if one is being cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die honest, are more about change and regret than about heading your life in a positive direction. Resolutions are about bitterness at having lived your life, having lived your life possibly in a way that wasn't up to code. I will lose ten pounds often conveys anguish at having indulged in that holiday cookie tray. I will exercise three times a week relates guilt toward a school vacation spent doing jigsaw puzzles. I will get more sleep and say no more often might translate into sorrow at having filled my days with things I love and people I can't live without. I will not be making resolutions this year. I, in fact, am okay with my life.
I am alright with the choices I have made, great or not so great. Reading an interview once, I came across a quote which I try to keep in my head for times like this. Times when those around me are pressuring me to improve on my past, to ruminate, to change. I could say the source of the quote was Robert Mitchum. I might be right or I might be totally wrong. Maybe that's a good resolution: pay more attention when I read. Regardless, the person being interviewed was discussing regret. He commented that he tries not to dwell upon that which has passed. "I only go forward," he declared. Me, too, I thought. I do. I only go forward.
I can't change what has happened and why, on even a bad day, would I want to? Those afternoons spent curled up on the couch watching some ridiculous comedy, my fourteen-year-old's lanky legs flung over my lap? I don't want to change that. Test-tasting sugary, chocolately, way too rich concoctions cooked up by a future television chef? Flour on every possible kitchen surface? No way would I want that memory to be anything different. I love my life. I love it just as it is. So I've decided this year not to make resolutions, at least those that require change. I will instead focus on what I've done right in my life, especially in my transition to veganism. I'm looking at the bright side, if you will. I'm taking my vegan egg substitute sunny side up. No changes. No regrets.
My list of 10 things I resolve NOT to change:
- I will not beat myself up if I make mistakes.
Studies have shown that positive emotion increases longevity and improves health. Optimism leads not only to a better sense of well-being, but to a feeling of empowerment. Focusing on what I've done wrong does nothing to further the vegetarian movement or enhance my life. I will continue to look at my mistakes as opportunities to learn.
- I will learn from my mistakes.
Maybe I ate a pasta dish with dairy in the sauce. Now I know not to order that meal again. And, because of my mistake and consequent research online, I am aware of other dishes at that restaurant that have milk and eggs on the ingredient list. My mistakes are nothing but stepping stones in my vegan journey. Thomas Edison persevered through failures that numbered in the thousands. Dr. Seuss opened twenty-seven rejection letters before finding a publisher for his first children's book. I think that if men like these could tolerate a mess up or two or twenty or thousands, then I can make it through an occasional blunder.
- I will share in a kind way.
Hitler had followers. So did Stalin. I don't think I want to bully others into what I consider to be a kind and gentle lifestyle.
- I will be thankful for the people who got me here by giving back.
Not only do I repay a huge debt when I write on vegetarianism or talk someone through the transition stage, but I benefit from what's called a "volunteer's high." When we help others, we encounter an actual physical change in the brain. Giving of ourselves for the benefit of someone else increases the body's endorphins, better known as the feel good hormones. And I do like feeling good.
- I will remember my own path to veganism and be tolerant of others' transition process.
I didn't fall out of the womb this perfect vegan creature. I shouldn't expect that others will either. I should consider any step in a positive direction a victory for the animals, the earth, and the general well-being of those I love.
- I will continue to believe that I can make a difference.
When I get discouraged that I am just one person, I will remember that Ghandi was just one person. So was Thoreau. And da Vinci. Tolstoy. Einstein, even.
- I will continue to help my children be heard.
During adolescence children develop the ability to step outside themselves and their families. They are capable at this point of understanding how their actions impact the world around them. In other words, they can think big thoughts. Unfortunately, many so-called grown-ups want to dismiss their ideas as childish or silly. I will empower my children to speak for themselves in a manner in which others will listen.
- I will move forward, one baby step at a time.
In Dave Ramsey's The Total Money Makeover , an ordinary debt-ridden person can move one baby step at a time to transform herself to millionaire status. The change doesn't happen with the flick of a wand. Nor does it happen in a completely linear fashion. Sometimes one slips backward or stalls for a bit. The idea is to keep moving forward, no matter what.
- I will be a positive role model for the vegan movement.
I feel it's important to be a confident, radiant, normalish vegan, one who isn't preaching, whining, griping, or attacking. I had an acquaintance ask the other day (in apparent shock), "You're VEGAN?" When I replied in the positive, she seemed taken aback. "You seem so..." "So, what," I asked, "So normal?" "No," she replied, "So... so healthy."
- I will speak out.
I learned in sales training once that people have one mouth and two ears. The concept at the time was one of active listening. As a vegan looking to transform the world, I think to myself... that's an awful lot of ears.
Tammie Ortlieb is a freelance writer with a Masters Degree in Developmental Psychology. Her work has appeared in VegNews, Veggie Life, Vegetarian Baby and Child Online Magazine, and Mothering.com. She resides in southwest Michigan with her omnivorous husband, three terrific teenagers- two veg, one wannabe-, and a you-tell-em-like-it-is-sister future green revolutionist fabulous fourth grader.
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