Big defensive pro meat eating family!!!

[jmksesholtz]

:( I was never vegan or vegetarian, I cooked a variety of asian foods that had no meat/meat it didn't matter. Now since my baby was born I guess I just felt how could I ever feed him meat. Since all in all I knew in my heart that eating chicken or meat products was something I questioned at least once during every meal with meat prior to his birth. My husband loved the meals I made and I guess that was one of my selling points. Anyhow, since the birth of my son my husband has been kind of in shock of this vegan situation. But I do not want to confuse my son, since he eats everything daddy eats. So this house has been vegan. We tried the "you can get whatever you want" thing at resteraunts a few times, but already my son screams for whatever he is eating. Anyhow to make a long story short my husband has been alot better with it and he realized how healthy and uncruel it is to not eat meat products and eat whole natural foods. We eat sweetners like molasses or maple syrup. Would like support from natural eaters. I have been looked at in disgust and treated like I was doing something that was not right and that I was making things complicated and everyone has meat/icecream and birthday cakes ect..... "How can you deprive your baby of all this good and fun food?, your sooo horrible. What is this, some kind of new trend you have to follow?" My mother, " You came out just fine and you ate all those things, I didn't worry about all those little things you think about, your toooo much!!" My mother again -(since we are thai, we had many strange recipes when I was growing up that I loved) she would say "what about this soup(because it's made of beef) you loved this?" I have to say some of these things were my absolute favorite things to eat before my son was born. But I feel differently now, I can't go back. I feel like Iam breaking tradition. My inlaws serve alot of non vegan foods at High holidays (they are jewish) that they also have enjoyed and want to pass on to the grandchildren. I can make really good food. But it will never replace brisket , noodle koogle, gizzards, livers or fish spreads. But I can't even think of eating most of these things and a replacement noodle koogle (that is delicious) isn't good enough to get them to stop hounding me and treating me like I am some ding bat who wants to just make up something new to do, to be DIFFERENT than everyone else...

Please help!
Kathy

Please help!!
Kathy

[jmksesholtz]

This is Kathy again,

They make me feel like some type of primadonna. "What makes your kid so special?" "So you don't think what I am eating is healthy?" They get very defensive, "
Well what I am eating is high in protein and issss good for me." But is just not good for you right?" They feel that since I do not feed my son what they are eating basically they feel like I am saying that what they are eating is bad, I can understand how they can feel that way, but what can I say, it's true. I just try to change the subject as fast as possible, but I find they want me to explain..So they can defend..I don't want to get into debates and arguements I am not good with that.

[Erin Pavlina]

You may want to grab a copy of my book, Raising Vegan Children in a Non-Vegan World. There is a whole section on how to deal with family who are unsupportive, and also about how to raise your children vegan even if your spouse is not.

Click here to learn more about the book and purchase online. (http://www.vegfamily.com/raising-vegan-children/index.php?src=forums)

[duckie1978]

Educate your family on why you are changing your diet and why it is so important for your baby to follow suit. Your husband should understand as long as you explain that it is not a "new" trend or anything. Make sure that he gets something vegan (a side dish or something) when you go out so your baby can eat what his father is eating. Or since he desires to copy your husband, ask that he try to eat vegan at resturants as well. After all you did say that he now realizes how healthy it is to eat the way you do. You don't have to justify your diet to anyone really. Ask them why they eat meat filled with hormones and all the nasties that come along with it. The vegan diet is healthier than anything that they could create using animal products. Most people once I explain the health problems caused by their "food" and the conditions that the animals are kept in get this EWWW look on their face and never question my diet. I always ask them if they really want to know why I went vegan or if they are just doing it to nag at me and make me feel bad first. You are just challenging what they have been told forever is "normal". People are uncomfortable with things that are not normal so they take it out on you by trying to guilt you. Don't let them. Tell them that this is how you are going to be until you decide to change it (if ever), if they can't accept it, then they are no longer welcome around you. (It sounds like this causes you stress and you don't need that)

Just because you used to love certain dishes that you won't eat anymore, doesn't mean you can convert those dishes. There are vegan "beef" and "chicken" stocks as well as faux meats. There are vegans who are Jewish and they have made vegan dishes for the High holidays. You can convert dishes for the most part, it will just take some research on your part. Check out your local library or so some searches online.

[vegma]

I thought I was "eating healthy" too until my son was born and I started doing research. Wow! Not only do we eat vegan, we eat organic, and I won't buy anything containing hydrogenated oils, corn syrup, dyes, etc. I dare anyone that eats at McDonalds to challenge me that my child's diet is unhealthy!! Hang in there Kathy - you are NOT alone!!

[jmksesholtz]

Thank you everyone for your support. By the way Erin, I did buy your book. It was very helpful, in fact I love it. I made the eggplant dish-- Oh My Goodness, was that delicious, my husband loved it as well!!!! but I guess it didn't replace having people to talk to. Thank you for replying. I will try to hang in there. I wish I had some vegan mom friends.

Thank you,
Kathy

[alexis]

Heh, irritating people. Well, sometimes, ignoring them works really well too. If they get too defensive, just take a deep breath and refuse to carry on with the conversation. You know that you're feeding your kid well, rest assured in that knowledge and rant here as often as needed. Hee. :D

[jmksesholtz]

Thank you for the support. I wish I could meet more moms like me to have playgroups with or just to have as friends. Thanks for being so nice. By the way do you (Alexis) or anyone who is reading this know of a way I can get some iron into my boy, he is 2 and will not eat spinach yet. I don't want to put salt and butter on it just to get him to eat it. Is there another veggie or fruit I can give him without having to cover it up to have him eat it. The only things he doesn't eat are leafy greens, he still new to chewing on this stuff. He likes most everything else???

Thank you,
Kathy:confused:

[jmksesholtz]

Hello "Vegma" I eat the same things plus no sugar. Wow! It's incredible how your life changes and how you really become concerned with every aspect of yours and your baby's life when you become a mom/parent.

Kathy

[Erin Pavlina]

There are lots of foods high in iron.

Beans, legumes, potatoes, dried fruit. Do a search on Google for a list of high-iron foods and see what you find.

[annie7]

Originally posted by jmksesholtz
[B]Thank you for the support. I wish I could meet more moms like me to have playgroups with or just to have as friends. Search a playgroup in your area. Click here (http://www.vegfamily.com/playgroups/florida.htm)

[NEfromNY]

Originally posted by jmksesholtz
:( I was never vegan or vegetarian, I cooked a variety of asian foods that had no meat/meat it didn't matter. Now since my baby was born I guess I just felt how could I ever feed him meat. Since all in all I knew in my heart that eating chicken or meat products was something I questioned at least once during every meal with meat prior to his birth. My husband loved the meals I made and I guess that was one of my selling points. Anyhow, since the birth of my son my husband has been kind of in shock of this vegan situation. But I do not want to confuse my son, since he eats everything daddy eats. So this house has been vegan. We tried the "you can get whatever you want" thing at resteraunts a few times, but already my son screams for whatever he is eating. Anyhow to make a long story short my husband has been alot better with it and he realized how healthy and uncruel it is to not eat meat products and eat whole natural foods. We eat sweetners like molasses or maple syrup. Would like support from natural eaters. I have been looked at in disgust and treated like I was doing something that was not right and that I was making things complicated and everyone has meat/icecream and birthday cakes ect..... "How can you deprive your baby of all this good and fun food?, your sooo horrible. What is this, some kind of new trend you have to follow?" My mother, " You came out just fine and you ate all those things, I didn't worry about all those little things you think about, your toooo much!!" My mother again -(since we are thai, we had many strange recipes when I was growing up that I loved) she would say "what about this soup(because it's made of beef) you loved this?" I have to say some of these things were my absolute favorite things to eat before my son was born. But I feel differently now, I can't go back. I feel like Iam breaking tradition. My inlaws serve alot of non vegan foods at High holidays (they are jewish) that they also have enjoyed and want to pass on to the grandchildren. I can make really good food. But it will never replace brisket , noodle koogle, gizzards, livers or fish spreads. But I can't even think of eating most of these things and a replacement noodle koogle (that is delicious) isn't good enough to get them to stop hounding me and treating me like I am some ding bat who wants to just make up something new to do, to be DIFFERENT than everyone else...

Please help!
Kathy

Please help!!
Kathy

Hi Kathy,

Psychologically, this is not that hard to understand. Practically and emotionally, to combat, is another story.

This happens for a few reasons:

a) People have a tendency to think that no threat exists if they can't see it with their own eyes. So until they get cancer or some other godawful thing, they think, "Lots of people eat like this and they're just fine, so you're just inconveniencing everyone for a fad." Life is complicated, and stressful, and time-consuming, and people would rather just peacefully eat crap (pardon me) and not have to think about the damage it might be doing or they'd have to have one other thing become more complicated in their lives.

b) They get defensive because like I said above, they want nothing new to have to worry about, but also because to those unwilling to be educated, this constitutes to some overly-sensitive types an insult to their parenting skills and their intelligence. After all, they eat this and feed this to their kids. Along you come and tell them that (and you're right, so what are you supposed to say?) that they're poisoning their families and raising them with a guarantee of having lifelong weight problems, what reaction would you have if the shoe were on the other foot? That doesn't mean you should stop, but you have to see what you're up against.

c) My mother's family is Jewish, and whether it's a Jewish thing or not, I cannot tell you, it could be sheer coincidence, but my mother's family acts just like what you described. Everyone is entitled to a strong opinion as long as it's THEIR strong opinion, and it's really never about the religious stuff. It's their secular opinions they guard like gold.

So what are you going to do? Your biggest issue is whether or not your husband is cooperating. Well, you can minimize how much you see other people including the in-laws until you've really made this a part of your life and gotten past all the addictions to the wrong food. You can bring dishes to their house. You can take the helm on the holiday meals rather than leaving it to your mother-in-law until such time as she is willing to cook your way on holidays. Or, you can adopt the position that the boys having a little poultry once or twice a year won't kill them as long as they're good every other time. But whatever you do, stand your ground. Do not let them get away with professing to know more than you do if you have a library full of nutritional info from alternative as well as allopathic sources and they've never read anything more involved than an article on lean meats in Reader's Digest.

[SandyBeachBums]

Living Among Meat Eaters: The Vegetarian's Survival Handbook
by Carol J. Adams

I was trying to include a picture. I love the front cover.

I've been reading this and it's totally helped me to become a compassionate person. It's helped me to see that I'm different and that I have made a change. I think it should be required reading for all Vegan and Vegetarians. I haven't known many in real life, but online alot of people come across as uncompassionate. So, it's hard to believe that's why they are Veg*ns in the first place.


:D Don't shoot me :D

[NEfromNY]

Originally posted by SandyBeachBums
Living Among Meat Eaters: The Vegetarian's Survival Handbook
by Carol J. Adams

I was trying to include a picture. I love the front cover.

I've been reading this and it's totally helped me to become a compassionate person. It's helped me to see that I'm different and that I have made a change. I think it should be required reading for all Vegan and Vegetarians. I haven't known many in real life, but online alot of people come across as uncompassionate. So, it's hard to believe that's why they are Veg*ns in the first place.


:D Don't shoot me :D

I would wonder if you are specifically referring to someone here in this, because the observation about uncompassionate vegans seems prompted by something. Maybe not, maybe you've just encountered it in so many other places that it's an adopted part of your philosophy on the topic now, or someone was just rude to you pretty recently and you have it on your mind.

Incidentally, I am a vegan for health reasons. I consider the killing and eating of animals to be a negative also, one about which I feel more strongly sometimes than others, but if I believed my family's optimum health would be reached by eating a cow a day, I would. I'm trying to re-establish veganism in my life because I know better.

[SandyBeachBums]

Actually, this is my favorite safe haven! I've thanked Erin just recently for providing a wonderful place for us all.

I do think all the Veg*ns that I've met in real life have been wonderful. I can't recall a bad meeting ;) I'm actually related to a few.

But, I check into some other sites and I'm amazed how many people come across as uncompassionate towards those around them. I don't think if I'm at a party of 30 people who eat meat that they should totally change all their family recipes for me. Sorry, but that's rude!

Maybe my previous post didn't make sense to you. But, then there is the big point...we can't see each others faces, so who knows who we are talking to.

But, the book I mentioned in my last post is great at delving into the deeper issues on how to relate with others in our lives as Veg*ns. I do believe compassion has alot to do with crawling into another beings skin and I hope I didn't offend you in anyway.

Great big hugs

[Sublimeveg]

I have a problem with my mother in law. She has said that "you cant get all the necessary nutrients from a vegan diet, it is not healthy" she does however make vegan dishes for me at holidays. I have not yet told her that we will be raising my 6mo. old son vegan, partially because i am not looking forward to the whole debate it will bring on. I have already asked her to challange my eating habits with specific facts about what it is that i can't get but she has not done so (because there isnt anything). I bring dishes to holidays as well ,so as not to "inconvinience" anyone. If people ask me how can i deprive my child of such yummy foods i will simply tell them that i am not depriving him of anything except heart disease, obeseity, diabetes and various other health problems. Plus there are vegan substitutes for virtually everthing...cakes, cookies and even marshmellows. I don't allow my child to have meat because i think it is unhealthy, I would also "deprive" my child of ciggarettes because i think that they are unhealthy. If someone is debating the health of meat.. ask them if, even if they believe meat used to be helathy back before factory farms, do they really think that it is healthy today with all of the hormones and antibiotics? If all else fails, showing meet your meat from peta usually serves to shut people up, it is so disturbing that most people will no longer want to challange you for fear of you showing them another meet your meat type video! Good luck!

[Erin Pavlina]

I find that the best way to handle comments is to be vague and uninterested.

"You can't be healthy on a vegan diet."
"I disagree." End of story.

"How can you raise your child vegan? It's so depriving."
"I disagree." End of story.

Just keep repeating "I disagree" and offer nothing more. They will have nothing to latch on to and the debate will cease. You've conceded nothing by saying "I disagree."

[Christa]

I really ought to try that! I find myself getting so irritated by people who insist that it is impossible to raise healthy vegan children (mainly on other discussion boards).

[mgoff]

Hang in there Kathy, I can relate to having these kind of family issues. Thy will find another topic once the "new" wears off. Until that happens just ignore the questions and change the subject with a pointed smile.