activities at parties

[Teejay]

My child is 11, vegan since 6. We have never had any problem with food at birthday parties, because she always takes along a bit of her own -- and very often, the hosts provide at least something she can eat -- fruit, chips, whatever.

However, just recently (I suppose because she is older now & they do more stuff at parties than just play games) she has been in really awkward situations where people were getting the kids to do craft with beeswax & other animal products -- this is something they wouldn't even think about, they are good people & it wouldn't probably cross their minds to think of the animal products in craft things -- and it's getting harder & harder socially for my child. How do you be the one kid at the party who doesn't do the activities?

What she did this time was, she took part, and then "forgot" (ie deliberately but politely left behind) the goods they all made to take home. I felt really sorry for her as it's hard enough being a kid & being vegan & surviving school etc, without these added social awkwardnesses.

What would you encourage your kids to do? She has just started middle school, too, so it's a whole new social set, & whole new range of problems...

[Erin Pavlina]

I would try to find out in advance what sort of activities the kids will be doing and see if you can either offer vegan alternatives to the hosts or send your child with something equivalent.

If that doesn't work too well, I would leave the decision up to my child. I would tell her she can participate in the activity if she wants to but that if she doesn't want to, to politely decline to participate without drawing too much attention to herself. If part of the activity is vegan I would encourage her to do more of that. For example, coloring instead of using the beeswax. Or doing a portion of the activity, etc.

But at the age of 11, since there is social pressure involved as well, I would leave it up to my child and not berate or lecture her if she decides to participate. Small experiences are not particularly harmful. As long as she knows what she's getting herself into, I think it's fine to let them make the decision.