I hate holidays :(

[shai]

I just feel like today was one criticism after another. I went to my in-laws (my father-in-law is a butcher) and have to hear crap from them about how animals were put here for us to eat and that who cares how they are treated. I went outside to get away for fresh air and they make jokes about how I was probably grazing on the grass outside for supper. UGH!
Then, back at my mothers, I have to listen to my sisters "oink oink oink" over the ham, and the "she's a vegetarian" snotty criticisms. I'm so sick of it. It's so hard to be a vegan and people don't realize why. I say nothing about what I am eating or what they are eating. I actually say nothing at all most of the time and they still do this to me. I just want them to leafve me alone and mind their won business. Then I have to put up with them trying to give my 9 month old son food they eat with milk in it and eggs (I am highly allergic to milk and eggs). I tell them not to and they act all offended. Then they start up with their "poor Griffin (my son) he can never have McDonalds or real ice cream....grandma will take you to McDonalds...." That one really makes me mad. Errrrrrrrrrr.
I hate holidays and I hate it when people don't just leave me alone about my choices. How do you deal with it? It is making me so depressed, and I am already suffering from post-partum depression. You think they could cut me some slack. :mad:

[ariix]

wow, that's tough... have you tried saying to them, nicely, that their comments are very hurtful to you? (i mean, it seems obvious but maybe they don't realize how NOT funny their jokes and comments are..)

i'm lucky my family is supportive of my choices, and my boyfriend's family, while they don't quite understand and ask things like "well what do you eat then", they've never been rude. (well, i do remember my boyfriends nephew making some "ooooh chicken" kind of comment at me while he was eating chicken fingers , but he's only 11 so it's forgivable!) ..although we don't have any kids yet, i wonder if they'd say anything different then...

as for this kind of comment:
"poor Griffin (my son) he can never have McDonalds or real ice cream....grandma will take you to McDonalds...."
i'd respond "i guess grandma will never be taking griffin ANYWHERE alone!" and i would be quite serious about it... it may not be very nice, but they aren't being very nice or respectful to you... (and the thing about them trying to give him dairy and eggs, even though you're highly allergic, is downright scary!)

hang in there... you're not alone! feel free to vent anytime!

[Erin Pavlina]

You're the mom. You have the right to raise your child vegan. If your family is going to tease you, annoy you, and threaten to take your child to McDonald's against your wishes then you have to step in and be strong with these people. If I were in this situation I would send out an email to everyone (don't do it in person or they will seriously gang up on you) that says:

I have chosen to be vegan for ethical and health reasons (or insert your own reasons here). I am not going to change my mind. I am raising my child to be vegan as well. I don't appreciate the rude comments and threats you all are making. I don't feel comfortable being around you all when you treat me so disrespectfully. If you cannot treat my lifestyle with respect then I will stop attending family functions. Under no circumstances, whatsoever, will you feed my child anything that is not vegan. If you can't respect my decision to raise my child vegan then you will never be alone with my child. I expect the rude comments to end. If you have a question about my lifestyle, ask me or do some research. Thank you for your understanding.

Or something to that effect. Word it how you want. But make it clear to them what you expect, what you will not tolerate, and the consequences of their actions. Be strong for yourself and your child. He's counting on you.

In time it will get better.

[shai]

I really do hope it gets better with time. They did not bother me about it for a long time because I lived far away. Sonce we had Grif my husbands service related disability has rendered him incapable of working so we moved back near family for their help. It's hard because I used to keep it quiet that I was a vegan. I am a sort of in the closet vegan type. I guess you can see why. I just want people to leave us alone about it, so I think with time they should get used to it and see how healthy it makes us and lay off. Meanwhile I will try to ignore the jokes, or even poke fun back at them. I guess if my diet is up for criticism than theirs should be too, right? :D

[Christa]

I had an eating disorder for about 10 years during my teens and early 20s. My older brother used to 'oink' at me whenever I ate even when he knew that I was in the process of recovering from an eating disorder. Family can just be downright rude and disrespectful -- I sympathize!

Mine has accepted my diet now, though &, although they probably think that I am missing out on something, they do not bug me about what my kids can or cannot eat. I hope that yours eventually comes that that place as well. Even when you know that you are in the right, it can be hard to stand up against a whole bunch of people who are ganging up on you.

[Lucy S]

Honestly, I would get up, tell them that until they showed that they could treat me with some basic respect I would not have anything to do with them, and walk out. Tough to do with family, I know, but unless you take a firm stand with them and enforce your right to not be so disrespected, it (likely) will not end. Think of the message your child will get if they are allowed to continue to ridicule your beliefs. Even if they think they are "teasing" you, they need to learn that such "teasing" is extremely hurtful.

I certainly would not trust any of them alone with your child.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but I have a zero-tolerance policy to being treated disrespectfully, something that has hardened since my daughter was born. If she sees me accepting disrespect (or emotional/verbal abuse) what am I teaching her? That it is, on some level, okay.

[ariix]

I had an eating disorder for about 10 years during my teens and early 20s. My older brother used to 'oink' at me whenever I ate even when he knew that I was in the process of recovering from an eating disorder.
whoa... I feel lucky to have the family I do.. we've got some problems, but...
I used to have an eating disorder too, but my brother never would have said anything like that.. (actually my brother hardly ever says much to any of us, part of the aforementioned "problems", but still! :p )
...Do people just not think before they speak, or do they not have enough sensitivity to realize when they are saying hurtful and disrespectful things?:( (especially to family members, whom they supposedly care about!)
I agree that in these kinds of situations you really need to put your foot down and even be harsh if necessary...

[vegma]

You are an adult and have the right to make your own choices without being put down by your family. Its one thing to keep the peace, but another thing to be a doormat. Definitely consider what you're teaching your child (in terms of how you allow others to treat you)! No way would I leave my child alone with any of them! Hang tough, mama!

[MrsKey]

Someone on another board (can't even remember where now) suggested a response to the "Why can't you eat like normal people" question.

"Because I don't want to die like normal people."

I don't know how your family would react to that but it is worth keeping it in mind.

Or when relatives say they'll take your kid to McDonald's without your permission tell them that you're going to show their kids "Meet Your Meat" without their permission. Then when they get all huffy remind them that this is the equivalent of what they just threatened you with.

I know these aren't tactful solutions. But I'm not a tactful person.

[Lucy S]

Yes, but there is a time for tact and a point beyond which tact is no longer an option. Tact is wasted on some people.

I will never understand why people think it is okay to "tease" veg*ns about their diets and threaten us with giving our kids meat. Fortunately, my most problematic in-law moved overseas before it became an issue with my daughter (she was still a baby when he moved). Before she was born, we were dealing with similar issues (giving her turkey at holidays, oh what are you denying her, blah, blah). I had the speaches all ready in my head to give to him, including telling him I would not speak to him if he was only going to insult me and that I would under no circumstances leave my child (his grandchild) with him if I didn't believe he could respect our beliefs. Harsh, but when talking about my kid, I take no prisoners.

Oddly enough, the one time I responded with an equivalent quip about my father-in-law's diet (and resulting big gut) there was dead silence by all parties. I was expected to sit back and take his "teasing" about my vegan diet (something he has long subjected his two vegan sons to) as well as many anti-feminist "jokes", but the second I make a comparatively mild one in return... *I* crossed the line. And it was mild, nothing on the level of what he subjected me to.

Didn't stop him from picking up where he left off the next time we were together.

[Gaia]

Hi Shai.

I must say I totally agree with Lucy and Erin.

Something strikes me in your message, though: why are you a closet vegan ? Maybe you are not a closet vegan because of people's reactions but people's reactions are what they are because you are a closet vegan. What I mean is that this may be happening with your family because to need to affirm yourself, not only with veganism but with everything in your life.
I don't know, I may be wrong, only you know.

Best wishes !