mixed families?

[Krista]

hi everyone - nice to meet you! :D

I am a vegan mama to two children, a toddler and an infant. My husband is an omni and we were married for 7 years before having kids. During this time we had plenty of time to discuss our game plan when it came to parenting vegan children. He agrees that veganism is best. Our kitchen is a vegan kitchen and he agreed not to eat animal products in front of the children.

Unfortunately, he has started to push this recently (last night he brought home honey mustard from the grocery store, which really bothered me, and he regularly eats meat when we visit relatives), and I'm just wondering how much of an issue I have to make of it. Basically, I'm wondering how mixed families out there have worked. I'm concerned that my kids will see their father eating a piece of cow and either a) want to eat it because Daddy does, or b) think badly of him because of it.

Any advice out there? Thank you!

[xmysticprincessx]

hehe, i'll beat erin to posting this!
erin wrote an awesome book, and she's got a chapter on mixed families in it.
http://www.vegfamily.com/raising-vegan-children/index.php?src=tlvfinfo
haha, and while i'm plugging erin's stuff, she's got a cookbook with really yummy recipes in it coming out around thanksgiving.

[Krista]

Hey thanks! I actually have a copy of Erin's book and had forgotten about the chapter on mixed families (mostly because it was never an issue for us before). Off to my bookshelf now. :)

Thanks again. ;)

[PikkuMyy]

Hi Krista!

Welcome to VegFamily! There are many mixed families here at the forum (luckily I'm not in one of them) so if you don't get as many replies as you'd like, check the General Chat older posts, where I'm sure there are quite a few, and maybe do a search on marriage/marriages.

[Christa]

Hi my same name person ;) ! Where in Canada are you? My dad lives just across the border from Vancouver.

In any case, in response to your question, I am one of those in a mixed marraige. Our girls are 5 and 7 now. I have to admit that they have leaned toward thinking poorly of dad and/or not understanding why he can make the decisions that he does in regard to his diet. As they are getting older, it has become easier for them to understand that we all have our own lights and our own paths and that we cannot choose the path for another person.

I have tried to teach them tolerance of others even when you do not understand their choices and to help them understand that true peace in your own beliefs does not mean being an activist and slamming those who do not believe as you do -- only offering information to someone who is interested in hearing it, not forcing it on the unwilling. I have also stressed that dad eats a lot less animal products than he otherwise would if he wasn't living with a bunch of veg*ns, so he is doing something to diminish the number of animals being eaten by eating like us a lot of the time.

It is hard to reach that point where you are capable of letting others make their own choices and not judging them harshly for those with which you do not agree and I would not expect a young child to get there any time soon. My seven year old has only started to reach that place in the past year. I expect that it has something to do with letting go of those thing which you cannot change, being grateful for whatever compromises you have (he eats less meat than he otherwise might), and recognizing that you are not the all-knowing authority on what is right for anyone but yourself -- all of which require more maturity than your average child possesses.

Your hubby actually sounds like he has made more concessions than mine has, so you can feel good about that! Good luck in working it all out for your family. BTW, I do think that it is more necessary in a mixed home to explain to children what constitutes vegan food and why you choose not to eat it sooner rather than later, b/c it is likely to come up a lot sooner than it would in an entirely vegan home.