Nervous new vegans . . .

[Bette]

Hello everyone, I've been lurking around for a while and everyone seems so friendly I thought I'd join in. I have a 19 month old son who has just become fully vegan (we've been easing him off dairy gradually as he's been veggie for life) and my husband and I have been vegan for about 6 months. Initially it was a health thing as I had breast cancer and discovered the links with dairy, but as we've researched the subject it seems more and more the right way to live for ethical as well as health reasons. We then realised that if we were serious, we had to take responsibility for our little boy as well and have him follow the same diet.
My problem is that I don't know any other vegans, so feel rather isolated. I haven't told anyone that my son is vegan, I just pretend to be a really fussy mother who reads ingredients lists for fun, but I can't keep it a secret forever! I want to avoid having to defend myself to everybody, but I don't know how I can.
I was hoping you all might be able to give me a bit of encouragement to stand up and be proud to be vegan, rather than all polite and apologetic and ... so British!
Thanks for taking time to read this, all advice gratefully received.

[molly]

Your best "defense" is the fact that you have done so much research. The average person does little or no research on what's healthy to feed their children; most people just do what they see other people do or what they know from their own childhoods. Meat & dairy products do people (of all ages) more harm than good. If someone tries to tell you otherwise, ask them where they got their nutritional information, & if their source is connected with the meat or dairy industries, which it will undoubtedly be, it can obviously be dismissed as biased. Maybe you can practice an incredulous &/or horrified look to give people who suggest you feed your children toxic "food". A simple, "I know what is best for my child, thank you," should more than suffice with strangers with whom you'd rather avoid conversation. I'm sure the others on the board here will have much better & more specific answers for you. I've never had to have much of an argument with anyone because I can always recommend several books to them to back up my position on the matter, & letting someone know that seems to always somehow make them back down.

I hope you are healthy & well now, by the way! Congratulations on making such a positive change for your family, too.

[Erin Pavlina]

It's hard when you're a new vegan to stand up to criticism. Over time you will find it much easier. Here are some things to keep in mind.

1. You and your husband have made a conscious decision to eat a healthy diet and to provide your child with a healthy diet. How many other people make such a decision consciously?

2. If you discovered the Earth was round but most people in your life thought it was flat, would you care if they called you a fool? Or if they told you that you were crazy? When you know for a fact that what you're doing is better than what you were doing before, it will give you the confidence to brush off their comments and criticisms more easily. It takes a little time.

I used to be on the defense when people questioned my diet. Now I take the offense. If someone says, "Why would you be on such a restrictive diet?" I will say, "What's so restrictive about being healthy and avoiding heart disease?"

If they say, "You're depriving your child of so much." I say, "Yes, I'm depriving her of heart disease, cancer, stroke, obesity, diabetes, and osteroporosis. I must be a terrible mother."

When people ask why I went vegan I say, "To be healthy and because morally I think it's the right thing to do." It's hard for most people to condone the eating of animals when you get down to the ethical issues.

If you read my book, Raising Vegan Children in a Non-Vegan World, you'll get a list of answers to hard questions people may ask you, and you'll also read how to handle criticism from others. You can learn more about the book and order online at www.vegfamily.com/raising-vegan-children (http://www.vegfamily.com/raising-vegan-children/index.php?src=forumpost)

But in a nutshell... give it some time. Soon you'll realize you have nothing to hide and your pride will show through.

Remember, you're not doing anything wrong. Different, maybe. But not wrong.

[Bette]

Thanks for the encouragement, I know that all I can do is get on with it really and not worry about offending people - friends often assume that when I refuse their offer of a chocolate bar to Joby then I'm criticising their parenting abilities, but that's their problem isn't it?
I am very healthy and well now, thanks for asking Molly :) It sounds odd, but cancer was one of the best things to ever happen to me, if you look at the big picture. My life is infinitely improved after all the changes we've made and I'm strong and ready for anything now (apart from critical omnis;))
xxx

[Erin Pavlina]

One thing I'm sure to do when someone offers my child something non-vegan is to say, "Oh, that looks wonderful, but I'm sorry... she's vegan and we don't eat products that contain (insert offending ingredient here). But thanks so much for the thought. That was very nice of you to offer." That way people don't feel put off.