Need-to-be-thrifty vegetarian

[nansue]

Hi! It is so nice to find some support out there- I feel like the only not meat eater in the empty suburban abyss!

I am a single mom with a 3 year old daughter. I became a vegetarian about 2 years ago. About that time my marriage fell apart (my husband had a nervous breakdown, lost his job, and went on a huge midlife-crisis-type spending spree- but I'm not bitter!:D ) and I found myself raising my daughter alone. I moved out, got a job and put her in daycare. I don't recieve any child support- my ex hasn't worked a day since, and I make less than 1800 a month. I'm in Canada- everything cost twice as much here, so that doesn't go far. I pay 850 to live in a basement, I pay 500 for my daughters daycare, another 100 to get to work, and all the other little things add up.
But enough self-pity- I'm lucky to have my beautiful kid and happy to be self-sufficient! My real purpose here is to look for advice in a couple of areas.
Now, while I have been a vegetarian, I haven't been nearly as disaplined about my daughters diet- mostly because my mother for the longest time keep spouting how unhealthy my lifestyle would be for her, particularly when she was such a fussy eater as it was, and I was too nervous as a new mother to defend my own position. But as time passes, and I read more about hormones in milk products etc, I've been more and more concerned, and as a result, more determined. While my daughter has never eaten much meat (she never gets any actually meat from me), she loves to eat yogurt and cheese products. I am more and more convinced that she is lactose intolerant (the smells that come out of that kid!) and would very much like to eliminate them from her diet, without taking away the flavors and textures she seems to love.
But soy milk and rice products are so expensive, and out here in the middle of the suburbs, they are pretty difficult to find. I'm also worried that I'll run out of things she's willing to eat- she has a small handful of things she'll eat happily, although she's definitely not underfed- she's a sturdy, strapping kid, which actually is part of what worries me- until having her, I had a weight problem all my life, and although she's definitely not fat, I am particularly wary that she might be someday (I struggle with the balance between keeping her healthy and not giving her food issues to deal with as an adult).
So how do I get her away from the yogurt and cottage cheese and onto the hummus and veggies without breaking the already-stressed bank?
Also a problem is her father. Despite the fact that he doesn't give us child support, I was determined that he stay in her life, and so he comes over every weekend and stays for a couple nights. Unfortunately, his diet is practically all animal and animal product! Quite literally, he will eat a piece of meat for every meal- even breakfast. (All of which he brings with him). Other than that, he will eat white bread (won't touch anything multi-grain) and potato chips (hates potatoes unless they are fried). He downs at least a 2 litre bottle of coke a day, and NEVER eats any vegetables or fruits.
My daughter thinks daddy is the coolest thing- her big best friend- and wants to do everything he does on the weekend. So while I eat tofu, she's eating chicken and wonder bread! I've talk him out of bringing chips, but I can't get it through to him that the rest is just as bad- he thinks I'm trying to take his already limited parenting control away from him. I think it just makes it harder for me to get her to have a good diet Monday to Friday, if on the weekends she gets the opposite message from Dad. It's frustrating me to no end.
I have written more than I intended, and I apoligize for that- I guess mostly what I'm hoping for is some evidence that this isn't impossible- that somehow I can raise a healthy kid that respects her body and the lives of other creatures, and can do it without going broke or losing my mind.
So what do you think?

[lunamama3]

first i want to commend you on doing what you're doing! it takes so much to raise a child consciously in our current society and i can't imagine what i'd do if i didn't have the support of my husband through it all (well, i guess i'd do what you're doing! :) ) you really should be proud of your efforts, regardless of whether or not it feels like you're getting anywhere. you can't completely control the way your ex-husband puts himself out for your daughter...and although i'm sure it's really frustrating *gross understatement* and there is probably a lot of room for improvement on the food issue front with him (i.e. respecting your values, being consistent, etc.), you also have a great thing going that he's still involved. as time passes, your daughter will be better able to sift out her own ideas, so in the mean time, a few potato chips etc. even every week in the great scheme of things isn't going to bring down her overall health. and hopefully, because she sees you doing certain things, she will come to understand why it's important to you to stay healthy and be compassionate, etc. though each child seems to pick their own path and they're not always eager to pick yours (life seems to be all about discovering on your own what's important to you, right?) about the expensive part, that's a tough one! we're currently in quite a financial hole as well, so i can empathize! we've been eating almost exclusively what we grow or gather from the farm my husband's been working on and although we don't have all the tasty extras we used to be able to swing through our natural foods co-op, i feel like we're eating the way we're supposed to! fresh as can be and full of life. most of the vegan convenience foods are full of unnecessary ingredients as well. it's a ton cheaper and fresher to just whirl some chickpeas and stuff together in the blender than buy it prepared (tho i'm sure you don't have a lot of extra time on your hands these days now that you're forced to go to work.) you just have to try and shift your perspective and focus on the positives in your life right now, which it sounds like you're doing anyhow, and just keep doing the best for yourself and your daughter that you can! i've found personally that it's a lot easier to get through hard times when you have some great friends to help you laugh along the way, so maybe you can focus on bringing more of that in your life too! the simple joys in life are the best, in my opinion. but i'm a simple gal. :) alright, that was a lot longer than i anticipiated too...i hope it helps! and i'd love to keep in touch and/or talk more!

big supportive mama bear hugs to you!
lisa

stay-at-home mama to three wee ones

[sarahrose]

Wow! You are dealing with alot! First off, maybe you could talk to your daughter and explain why you don't eat animals, and how dairy cows end up being eaten, ect... I have a three year old who I fully trust to deny meat because she feels sad that people would eat animals. Maybe then your little one can say "no" to her dad(I really can't beleive that he would not respect your rules!!! you are, after all, the one raising her! ). About cheap vegan eating, it really is true that soy yogurt and things like that can be expensive. One great way to save money is to learn how to make those things yourself, maybe cook on the weekend to get you through the week. I know that a dehydrator works to make yogurt ( just pour some soy milk in there with some chopped fruit ) Beans are always healthy and cheap, and can be frozen in batches to be used as needed, same with soup. I have found that simple foods are the easiest to feed to kids! For instance, my girl loves beans with corn bread, but will not eat lasagna. Try to invest in a dehydrator ( you can make fruit leathers cheaply that way too! Just blend fruit with a little water in the blender, and dehydrate. You can make a whole sheet at a fraction of the cost! Also, drops of soy yougurt in the dehydrator can make yougurt "chips" - kids love those, and they are expensive at the store, but cheap to make.) . Hope this has been a little help! Sincerly, Sarahrose