The new vegan in our family

[ArwenA]

My five year old daughter became a vegetarian/vegan last week! I am sooo incredibly happy, because it was her choice entirely. I had explained to her in the past about where meat came from, but she never seemed to get it (I've been an off and on again, and hopefully finally on for good vegan for a couple years). Last week I attended this great vegan conference in Chicago and brought home a lot of materials. My DD (I assume that means "darling daughter"?) asked me to read her some pamphlets about factory farms, and after about two become very, very upset and began weeping. I felt simply awful that I had upset her, but I wanted her so much to know the truth. She cried for awhile, declared that she wanted to be a vegetarian, and then began to outline her many ideas for saving the animals! I was happy to show her some materials from the Farm Sanctuary in New York that depicted happy, free animals being cared for with love (I hope these images countered the awful ones in the other brochures). She wants to start a farm now where we can rescue animals, bless her heart.

Anyhow, it's been going very well since then. She remembers herself how many days she's been a vegetarian, and has been asking loads of questions. Tonight she drew a series of pictures with slashes through them (as in "don't eat this animal, or this cheese," etc.) Also while I was baking vegan chocolate chip cookies she came down from her room and very ceremoniously threw out a plastic ham from her play food set. I had nothing to do with this!

On the negative side, she is being bothered by thoughts of animals being hurt (tonight it was "a man with a knife getting ready to cut the animals on their necks.") I feel terrible for having shared the images that I did, but I can't go back and do it differently. I wonder if any of you have had similar experiences, and how I might address her fears and bad thoughts. She has a very good heart, but is very imaginative and is often plagued by "bad thoughts" after viewing scary movies or reading scary books. She wants to know and experience so much and I have trouble setting limits sometimes (my own mom was extremely permissive.)

I was happy to read the posts about dealing with birthday parties, as we are about to face our first since her decision. I am hoping that there's an article somewhere on the Veg Family site about Halloween candy as well.

Thank you all!

P.S. I also have an almost 22 month old son. He has always disliked meat and cheese, so going vegan with him has been easy. Yay!

[Erin Pavlina]

Yeah, for kids your daughter's age we need to be careful about how graphic we get in explaining about the animals.

I'm currently teaching my 3.5 year old daughter about why we're vegan. I mentioned that it hurts the animals when we eat them and that it's mean to eat animals. She gets that. She feels really bad for the animals. One time we were watching the food channel and one of the chefs on that channel was putting live crabs into boiling water. I was so mortified but I couldn't turn the channel fast enough. Emily saw and couldn't stop talking for days about the poor crabs. She seemed to intuitively understand what was happening to them and that it was very mean.

We have a Halloween Candy list on the site:
http://www.vegfamily.com/lists/vegan-candy.htm

And I believe we have an article up too. Go to the home page and see if there is a link (I'm too tired to check at the moment).
http://www.vegfamily.com

[sophie]

That's great, Arwen, what a compassionate daughter you have... my kids also want to start a farm where they save animals "from not-vegan people". Maybe it can be a joint venture!
I too have always wondered how much to tell kids about animals suffering. They know the basics, and now mt son, nearly 7, comprehends it all a lot more.
good luck and best wishes!

[ArwenA]

Thank you Erin and Sopie for your replies. The information about Halloween was very helpful Erin, thanks. And maybe our kids can start that farm some day Sophie! You never know....

Things continue to go well and we're starting to discover new foods. I was startled that my daughter had lost five pounds in a little under two weeks! This was a child who was eating steak, burgers, chicken nuggets, soda, sausage and such things with gusto until October 13, so it's probably nothing to worry about, right? She's also been really active with sports lately, so I am thinking that it's a combination of diet and exercise. She's 5 1/2 and now weighs 35 pounds. She wasn't overweight before, but had a bit of a large tummy which is rapidly diminishing. Are there healthy weight guidelines for vegan kids that I can access anywhere online, or in a book? I definitely plan to order your book, Erin. It sounds invaluable.

Thanks. ~Arwen

[sarahrose]

Go to the physicians committee for responsible medicine web site pcrm.com it has a wealth of information on pediatric nutrition, among other things. It has wonderful snack ideas and much more.

[Morissa Lou Williams]

Hi! Your little girl sounds like such a sweetheart. I have similar concerns about my little boy learning about the way animals are treated, but I feel it's better for him to know that animals need our help if they are to find compassion in this world. I've found that what helps us - helps both of us, because it's so easy to get discouraged, and boy, do I get discouraged - is to find lots of wonderful children's books that have a compassionate approach to life. This gives us a feeling of hope that offsets, to some degree, the feelings of worry and fear about the state of the world. I do a monthly children's book review on-line at www.hearthsidebooks.com, and I focus on books, from independent publishers, that are respectful to children and the world around them. I'd especially recommend checking out the gorgeous books put out by Dawn publications, which are mostly about the natural world, and are full of compassion. They have a delightful series of books about a baby chimp called Okomi, and his mother, Mama Du, inspired by Jane Goodall's work, that wil send any small child to sleep feeling that love is flowing through the universe. Also, have you seen their book, Animals Have Feelings? They have dozens of wondrous books. Also, Barefoot Books has a great catalog - especially one truly magnificent book that takes place in Tibet called Tenzin's Deer. It's a bittersweet book - a boy saves a deer, and comes to love her, but out of this same love returns her to the wild (I cry every time I read it), but the message from it is clear: love and compassion are powerful. Enjoy!

[mabelkitty]

Hi Arwen! Boy, do I wish I was as insightful as your daughter when I was her age. :) I love the story of her throwing out the "ham" from her grocery playset! I hope all is going well with your sweet little girl and the rest of your family.

Morissa, thanks for the link! I have a 7-month-old niece in Illinois -- haven't met her yet, but I'll be there for her first birthday in August. Anyway, I've already bought her about 10 books -- some fairy tales like "The Ugly Duckling" and also classics I remember, like "Courdoroy." Basically, any book with pictures of animals, especially farm animals, are ones I get for her. Her mom (my boyfriend's sister) is vegetarian, so she has no complaints about my "pro-animal" bent! Plus my boyfriend's mom is vegetarian as well. Anyway, I'm always on the look-out for animal or veg-friendly children's books. One I learned about from VegFamily, called "Eating the Alphabet," is already on my list. I think "Animals Have Feelings" is definitely a must. Thanks again! Oh, BTW, of course she can't read any of these books yet... but I'm just too impatient to wait until she's older! :D I did buy her some great picture/board books, too, so she has stuff to look at (and chew on) while her mom reads to her.