I am so disappointed in myself

[Nik]

I have only been vegan for a month, but I thought I was doing okay. I even had bought myself vegan chocolates to eat on Valentine's Day. Well, tonight a few of my students brought chocolates to me, and I ate them. I knew what I was doing and I knew it wasn't a part of my lifestyle any longer, but I ate them. I feel so horrible. I'm sick to my stomach with anger for myself. Did anyone else do this? Did you say that you're vegan and then mess up once before really getting the hang of it? I'm so sad now. Thanks for listening.

Nik

[Erin Pavlina]

Don' t beat yourself up too much. It happens to a lot of people when they are new vegans.

When I went from being a meat-eater to being vegetarian at about the one month mark I had a craving for a fish sandwich. I went out one day and got one and ate it. Tasted great. Went out the next day and bought TWO more. Tasted great. Felt terrible. And then I realized that it wasn't really all that great, and I didn't need it anymore. It was like I got it out of my system. After that day, I never ate meat again. 9 months later I went vegan and never slipped (at least not knowingly).

What you want to ask yourself now is why you did it. Was it because it was a social situation? Was it because the chocolates looked or smelled really good? Was it because you didn't want to pass up a freebie? Once you know the real reason you ate them, it's easier to prevent that in the future.

Remember that being vegan is a process. It's a journey. You are not automatically at your destination the day you decide what your goal is. The journey may be long, it may be hard, you may slip on the road occasionally. All that matters is that you pick yourself up, and continue walking in the direction you want to go. And remember, you're not walking the path alone. We're all here for ya.

[sballati]

Nik,

I couldn't keep my fingers out of the chocolates this year either. For me, chocolate and cheese have been the most difficult to stay away from. They taste just so incredibly rich!

I've been off dairy products for about a year now. The way I finally got myself to stay away from cheese was re-informing myself how horrible dairy products are. Howard Lyman's book Mad Cowboy did the trick. I can hardly look at the stuff now. Chocolates have some dairy in them too, so I'm focusing on that point. I've always known that, of course, but I seem to have to magnify its importance in my mind so I won't allow myself to overlook it (not to mention the sugars, processed concoctions, etc.).

As Erin says, it's important to figure out how you convinced yourself to eat the chocolate. I ate mine because I thought I liked the taste. The truth is, I *used to* like the taste. It's attached to pleasurable memories. Macrobiotics call this a sentimental attachment and consider it the most difficult to modify.

Erin is also absolutely right about a healthy diet being an ongoing process. As time goes on, the waverings become less expansive. I had one bite this year and satisfied the wayward urge whereas I would eat a whole package a few years ago.

So we took a small step backward. We're now a few days back into the groove. There are lots of challenges along the way, and Valentine's day is certainly one to expect. Next year, we'll do better.

[reb_granger]

Cheese was my one failing, something that I used to eat on the sly in order to hide my hypocrisy from public view ("You call yourself a vegan, and still eat cheese?!"). You could say that I was having an illicit affair with Mr. Cheese. :D

I transgressed so often, that I almost decided to officially name myself a cheese-eating vegan. ;)

In the end, I learnt to say 'no' to myself. It took me a year, though.

SO Nik, don't feel too guilty. Give yourself time. And remember, we're all here for you. :)

Luv,
Rebecca

[EricP]

Nik,

Your desire to stay Vegan will get stronger in time and you will be able to resist the urges to "cross to the dark side".

I never had a problem with "straying" from my veganism, and I went vegan cold turkey (for lack of a better phrase ;) ). My wife had a challenge with letting go of cheese, but she came over that in time.

Don't beat yourself up. Read up on what awful lives dairy cows have for that chocolate and then go out and grab some Tropical Source Vegan chocolate bars ;)

People make mistakes, and vegans aren't ALWAYS perfect. :D

Regards,

EricP

[Nik]

Thank you all so much. I feel much better after reading your replies. The chocolates didn't even taste as good as I hoped they would. It was disappointing all around! I was pretty sad last night, cried myself to sleep, but today I woke up and realized I can't change it so I just have to move forward. I keep telling myself I'm not a bad person for messing up. I also got a D on a test yesterday (I strive for A's!) so I was feeling like a total failure all around. Maybe I ate the chocolates because they used to be my comfort food. I know part of it was because I wanted to "fit in" and have a "normal" Valentine's Day. Stupid, I know. But it's behind me now and I thank you all so much for your support. These boards really are amazing.

Nik

[vegmom2]

Hi Nik,
Stopping the meat was easy for me as i saw it as flesh and just gross instantly, eggs were easy as i never liked them, milk, well never liked that either---But LOVED cheese and chocolate and muffins and cookies--all the places these ingredients HIDE OUT!! The cheese was easy as i mentioned the rennet comes from a baby cow and i just read an old article on that and they have now genetically engineered a substitute called chromosyn or something like that so but the cheese may not be labeled AND it would still be dairy but just would not have the rennet--the BIG COMPANIES didn't do these out of kindness to animals (of course) but because these other stuff is consistent and can be made faster and cheaper. So even from a GE angle it could be easy to give up. So for cheese that was easy as i didn't like it coming from the calf stomach--BUT CHOCOLATE was harder as it is easier to forget where it comes from and I justify it saying "well i am doing so well that this is ok" so we are all on a journey and we are doing WAY better than the average folk so forgive yourself and get some tropical source!!! You are doing great!!:D :D :D