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Articles and Information
The Vegan Underground
by Larri Ann Rosser
We may be years past the Woolworth's counter, white-only seats and separate drinking fountains, but another kind of segregation is alive and well, and it rears its ugly head at family reunion meals. Tables groan with ham and fried chicken and roast beef, and for those who like something lighter, there's seven layer dip with sour cream, Vidalia onions with cheddar, a nice chef's salad with turkey, and lots of barbeque chips and Jello. If you want vegetables, there are green beans with ham, mashed potatoes with bacon and cheese and yams with marshmallows-- and all my vegan cousins, lined up with empty plates and resigned expressions.
It's not like they haven't tried to make it work. Once Janet brought a pasta salad, which all the cousins liked until Aunt Wilma "spiced it up" with some parmesan cheese, and the time we were cooking by the lake and Uncle Russ offered up a package of Not Dogs for the grill.
"Not Dogs," my uncle bellowed, "Who the hell wants to eat something called Not Dogs! I'll guarantee you, it's not meat!"
I was sort of perplexed - was Uncle Ellis saying he'd like them better if they were made of dog? I didn't get into that argument. Words like "tofu" and "tempeh" make my uncles' necks swell up and their chests bow out and they strut around bellowing about "real food" and such. I just spirited Russ off to my kitchen to cook the soy dogs in a meat-free pan.
Next reunion, I suggested to mom that I'd like some more veggies and such. See, I can get away with that because my family occasionally sees me chomping on a piece of pepperoni pizza, which is the "meatatarian" equivalent of making the Sign of the Cross to prove you're not a vampire. That being the case, she was happy to oblige - we had beans with ham hocks, broccoli rice casserole with Velveeta (what IS that stuff anyway?) and a green bean casserole with potato chips on top.
I could see that I had to take matters into my own hands, so next reunion I brought some hummus and naan.
"What do you got there?" Uncle Carl bellowed.
"Bean dip," I replied, "And homemade tortillas. It's good with this salsa." I offered him some chutney I'd made.
I set my dishes on the long table and mouthed to my cousins, "It's vegan." They smiled and winked at me and put some on their plates. Success! This time everyone got something to eat, even if they had to dodge Aunt Maxie, who kept trying to get them to try it with the sour cream dip.
Next time out, a couple of the cousins decided to join me in my gentle deception. We had onion dip (which no one admitted was made with tofu), potato soup (with miso broth, but don't tell anybody) and wonderful oatmeal cookies (which we promised my uncles were NOT wheat free.)
Over the years, we've gotten pretty good at this. So good, in fact, that we've started putting a little green sticker on the vegan things, because it's pretty hard to pick them out. Funny thing is, as long as nobody rubs their nose in it, my family seems pretty happy with our meatless dishes.
But we'll never tell Uncle Carl he's eating soy cheese - he might have a heart attack on the spot.
Larri Ann Rosser is a flexitarian with an extended family that ranges from Deep South meatatarians to vegans. Over the past fifteen years, Larri has been responsible for maintaining peace at family reunions by providing food that everyone can eat and enjoy. Her writings have appeared in such diverse publications as Margin, Highways, DFW Poetry Review and Technology Today.
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