Parenting Tips with Melanie Wilson

Melanie Wilson is vegan mom to Kalli MacKenzie. She is the owner and editor of Vegetarian Baby and Child Magazine (www.vegetarianbaby.com), a writer, educator, and researcher. She is currently working on her first book on vegetarian parenting. Her articles have been published on iParenting.com, MomsOnline.com, and will soon appear at VegDining.com. She is also an accredited La Leche League Leader.

Question:

How can I explain to my 4 year old why her grandparents eat meat? She is really confused. How can we make her understand that it's not alright for her to eat animals but it is for her grandparents?

Answer:

Part of teaching our children what it means to be vegan is teaching them that they live primarily in a non-vegan world. In fact, many parents feel lucky if they know even one other vegan family! As we go through life learning to negotiate the twists and turns of diet diplomacy, we hopefully pick up somewhere along the way the fact that we simply cannot change everyone--no matter how strongly we believe in what we're doing. We must live by example, first and foremost.

Children must learn this same lesson. You can start by encouraging acceptance of all kinds of differences among people--race, color, religion--and extend this to diet issues. Your daughter is old enough now to understand the concept of wanting to do something even when you know it's not really good for you, like eating too much candy or watching t.v. all day long. You can also explain that many people just don't realize how important diet and animal rights are, and so they make different choices in their lives. Tell her that when people spend their whole lives eating a certain way, they sometimes find it very hard to change. You don't have to use labels like right or wrong, but you and your family will make the choices that are right for you.

Second, it may help to reassure your child that her grandparents love her, and they still have all the wonderful qualities that make them beloved members of the family, regardless of what they choose to eat. One of the most difficult lessons to learn in life is that we can love people and not love their behaviors or actions. Help her separate her love for family members from her dislike of their actions. Just as we might say to our children, "I don't like it when you act like that." But we should never say to them, "I don't like you because you act like that."

You may wish to teach your daughter simple lessons in being polite while eating with others. A 4-year-old can be taught that we don't tell other people their food is "yucky"; it simply isn't nice and can even be hurtful. After all, we don't want someone telling us our tofu stir fry looks disgusting. Demonstrating tolerance for others will go a long way toward helping her accept the fact that all people are different. If your family chooses not to take part in meals that include meat, help her to learn to express this decision in the way that is acceptable for your family .

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