Parenting Tips with Melanie Wilson

Melanie Wilson is vegan mom to Kalli MacKenzie. She is the owner and editor of Vegetarian Baby and Child Magazine (www.vegetarianbaby.com), a writer, educator, and researcher. She is currently working on her first book on vegetarian parenting. Her articles have been published on iParenting.com, MomsOnline.com, and will soon appear at VegDining.com. She is also an accredited La Leche League Leader.

Question:

How do I switch my kids to a vegan diet when their dad does not eat that way? They want what he has. It is very hard.

Answer:

It's purely personal how each family decides to handle the conversion to a vegan diet, and there is no right or wrong way. I can say, however, that every successful family I've met or read about did two things. First, the parents came to an agreement on how they would present a united front to the children (even when one parent was not making the change). Together they set ground rules for what would and would not be allowed in the house, how they would handle situations with family and friends, and agreed to sit down regularly and have an ongoing discussion on the subject. Second, the parents allowed each family member to make the switch--or not, as the case may be--voluntarily. That said, I do believe that parents are perfectly within their rights to say to their children, "This is how we eat at home," and not allow non-vegan food in the house or refuse to buy it when outside the house. Frankly, however, there is only so much control we have over children and what they eat when they are not with us, and the more forbidden we make something, the more enticing it appears. You'll have to take into consideration their own ingrained habits and desires and in some cases, resign yourself to the fact that they will not always make the best choices when you aren't around!

In your case, it sounds as if Dad is resisting the change and/or not adding his support to the conflict with the kids. If that's true, it may be best to start by leading by example. If your children are very young it will be easier, but even a 3-year-old can be resistant to change! If you once made the switch from meat-eater to vegetarian, you may remember that it took some time and adjustments before you worked through the transition stage successfully. Even if you gave up meat overnight, it probably took some time before you felt you could truly call yourself "vegetarian". You may have even experienced a few setbacks along the way. It may help to look at this family transition to veganism as a long-term goal, slowly making changes and accepting that there will be "two steps back" occasionally.

In the beginning, ask yourself, "What are the easiest things for us to change?" Start out simply and try not to go too radical on the kids right away. Make their favorite dishes, substituting vegan items, and show them that being vegan doesn't mean not eating delicious food. It means choosing wisely and accepting that our food choices do make a difference in the world. But try not to preach. By all means, explain why you want the family to be vegan, but don't harp. Nothing closes a child's mind as quickly as a nagging parent. I find children are especially open to issues of animal rights. Be honest in sharing information (on an age-appropriate basis, of course) about animal treatment and food production. Then give them time to absorb it. Above all, find support! Have your child meet other vegan children and see that they are normal. And find some friends yourself, either locally or online. They can make all the difference in the world! Finally, reassure yourself that every little successful step along the way is worthwhile—regardless of the final outcome. As Joanne Stepaniak, noted vegan author, points out, "Longtime vegans rarely view their practice as a final destination."

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