Parenting Tips with Melanie Wilson

Melanie Wilson is vegan mom to Kalli MacKenzie. She is the owner and editor of Vegetarian Baby and Child Magazine (www.vegetarianbaby.com), a writer, educator, and researcher. She is currently working on her first book on vegetarian parenting. Her articles have been published on iParenting.com, MomsOnline.com, and will soon appear at VegDining.com. She is also an accredited La Leche League Leader.

Question:

My son has his grade 8 graduation in the next few weeks and this is my problem. There is a dinner before the graduation dance and they are serving lasagna, Caesar salad, chicken, and veg lasagna. WE ARE VEGAN. They are having veg lasagna and Caesar salad(with cheese) to help the people who are vegetarian but do not realize that there is also something called a VEGAN who does not eat any animal products. I really do not know how to approach the subject without hurting anyone's feeling, however, I do not want to go to a dinner ($15 per person) and eat nothing but a white bun and a potato. Please give me some advice on how to approach the subject with the planners without causing too much of a fuss. Thanks.

Answer:

Congratulations on your son's graduation! I wish I could count how many times I've been in a similar situation. When I first became vegan, I realized I would have to come to terms with the fact that eating out would always be more of a social event than a gratifying eating experience. I think you are right to focus on the momentous occasion first and foremost, but I do think it's fair to expect that you have something to eat on this special night. It doesn't have to be a gourmet meal, and knowing ahead of time that it probably won't be will make the food that much easier to tolerate.

I expect that the first question of the committee when you present your concern (and I think you should do it in writing so that it cannot be ignored or conveniently forgotten) will be the same question most people ask: well, what do you eat then? Providing them with some alternative menu ideas is the first step. Since their menu is set, and you can't really expect them to change it altogether, perhaps you can suggest an easy alternative for those who don't eat eggs and dairy, such as pasta with a simple tomato and veggie sauce. You may also suggest that they offer a suitable salad dressing (oil and vinegar always works!) and use olive oil rather than butter on the garlic bread (assuming that's a side dish). Those little details are often forgotten. Just letting them know ahead of time that there will be "alternative eaters" at the event will give them time to think and prepare. They key is to make the requests as simple as possible, to state your desire without going into too much unnecessary detail, and, I think, focusing on the fact that you really just want to be there for your son. That's your first concern. What parent couldn't relate to that!

Diplomacy is, I believe, one of the most challenging aspects of being vegan. It takes constant practice, and the issue never goes away. There are several options, as you pointed out. You could not say anything, go and drink iced tea. Not only would that be frustrating for you, it would be uncomfortable for all involved. And the organizers would be the first to notice, wondering why you didn't say anything ahead of time! Not going is not really an option. So I say, put on your best negotiating happy face and bring the issue to the attention of the committee in a friendly and respectful manner, acknowledging their efforts and hard work at making this night special for all involved. Even if nothing comes of it this year, you will have, hopefully, paved the way for vegan families of years to come.

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