Vegan Birth Stories

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Luna's Birth Story

Luna Grace Adrienne Arenas-Field
Monday August 9, 1999; 7:58pm
8lbs 5oz; 20in

We waited a long time for Luna to make her way into the world. It was 2 1/2 years from the time we were ready for her until her birthday. I felt as if I already knew her during the time we were trying to create her. Her spirit was always with us. I look back today and wonder how we ever made it through that time. It was such an emotional time for both James and me. So many times we thought we were pregnant only to find we weren't. My body would endlessly tease me. My periods were irregular. Am I pregnant? I haven't bled in 40 days, 60 days, 45 days and so on.

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I didn't want to use anything to speed things up. There is a lot of technology out there eagerly awaiting my broken heart. I really wanted to do this on my own. But after it looked like it may be a while, we started thinking of using herbs if it was much longer after 1 year, acupuncture after 2 and maybe a sperm test after that. My friend Willow recommended Chaste Tree Berry. I decided to try that after 19 months of trying. I tried it for a month.

One night, 3 days after the full November moon, James and I had a very spiritual experience. We had made love and opened ourselves up completely to the universe. I was so taken aback by this experience that it didn't occur to me that Luna was here. We didn't plan it. By this time I had stopped trying to control things. Ironically, James and I were at a turning point in our relationship. We could either grow from this turbulence or lose each other. I kept thinking, as I had many other times that maybe IM pregnant. I had no basis for it; no "symptoms." Why would I be during the most difficult time in our relationship, anyway? I took a test just to humor myself expecting the typical negative.

Positive.

I had always envisioned this day to be one where James and I would jump up and down crying out of happiness, but I was in shock. Maybe denial would be more appropriate. I had James come into the bathroom to look at the test. He gave me a hug but didn't jump up and down or even cry. I think he was in shock too. We took 3 more tests. There must be something wrong with these. I just couldn't believe that she was finally here. I never really accepted it until the second trimester. I was afraid of getting attached and then having a miscarriage. After all this is way too good to be true. On March 3, I felt her first kicks inside. That was when it all became real for me.

I learned a lot from our pre-conception experience. We were not "entitled" to a baby as if she were property. She is a precious gift for which we will always be grateful. She came when it was right for HER not just when it was right for us. We have no control over such things even though we like to think we do. So after a wonderful pregnancy Luna began her journey in to the world.

Friday, August 6:

At around 6am some liquid running down my leg woke me up. Was it water, blood, urine or mucous? Was this finally it? I didn't want to get too excited since I had been having strong warm up contractions for the last month. I was hyperaware of my body so I thought every little thing meant it was time. I went to the bathroom to check what it was. It was my mucous plug with some watery blood! It smelled so much like birth. I was so excited. I told James as he was getting ready for work. We were so happy. We held each other and cuddled up in excitement that our baby would be here soon. As soon as I was up, I started to have some contractions but they weren't any different than the ones I had been having. So we decided that James should go to work and take the cell phone with him. I set up the baby changing area and went back to sleep. Not much happened throughout the day. It was the same as the last few weeks-- occasional stronger contractions but with no real pattern. Just in case, I went ahead and sterilized our supplies and got everything organized for the birth.

That night we went to a play that James's co-worker was in. Labor got more regular and stronger on our way there. When we got there it slowed down and started back when I was settled in. After the play on our way to the car, it got really strong. James and I were sure we would meet baby tonight. Once again though it slowed down in the car and started when I was situated. I realized that it slowed when I changed places, so I wanted to get home and settle in for the rest of labor. I had some contractions that night but nothing less than 10 minutes apart. I slept through the night.

Saturday, August 7:

We woke up hoping for things to start moving along. My labor was getting stronger but still nothing too consistent. We decided to keep occupied and ran some errands. We went to Ukiah and got a car seat, Byron's big brother present and some last minute food. Contractions were about 9 minutes apart but they weren't consistent. So we went ahead and went to a movie. During the movie I wondered how much longer this would be. I really expected labor to be short. It was very similar to my labor with Byron. His started on Friday with the mucous plug falling out followed by irregular contractions throughout the rest of the weekend. Finally things picked up on Sunday afternoon and I had him early Monday morning -- 12 hours of "true" labor with Byron. I figured since I was much more confident and in tune with my body this time I wouldn't have all of the prodromal labor. I was feeling sad and disappointed.

I examined my feelings during this time and discovered that I did have some unresolved issues. Since I was a doula and had all of this "experience" and knowledge in labor and birth I was somehow entitled to have a textbook labor, right? Wrong. I expected things to fit neatly in a box i.e. contractions would be 9 minutes apart for an hour or so, then 8, then 7 And since this was my second child labor would be shorter. I talked with James about this. It felt really good to come to this realization.

Okay so I realized it, now what? James gently reminded me that I am like that it many aspects in my life. I expect things to fit neatly into a nice little box. I needed to let go and trust my body and baby and accept that birth really is unpredictable, even for me. Wow, that's pretty humbling.

After talking about that James suggested that I give Willow, my closest friend, a call. I talked with Willow for a while. She didn't think that my water had broken, but I was convinced that it had. It really helped to talk with her. At that point I didn't want her there yet. I wanted to keep the energy we had and not change a thing. Maybe later, though.

We went for a little hike on a trail in our neighborhood. Contractions were sometimes 5 minutes apart. We had such a romantic day with the nice walk and the birth energy surrounding us. We wanted to make love so badly but just in case my water had broken we refrained from it and cuddled a lot.

We wrapped Byron's present and got the car seat washed and ready. We were so happy to have the car seat ready. For some reason it symbolized for us the reality that baby would be here soon. We kept talking to baby telling her that we have a cute little car seat now we need her to fill it. I talked with my friend Lynn on the phone. She checked in with me to make sure I was dealing with things. It felt really good to talk with her too. That night, I mostly slept sitting up because it was too uncomfortable during contractions lying down. Contractions were 10-15 minutes apart. Many of them woke me up throughout the night which was promising.

Sunday, August 8:

Contractions were starting to get closer but weren't consistent for long periods of time. Some were 5 minutes apart. They were definitely stronger. We went to town to the hardware store for some poles for our garden which was James's nesting project. We rented a whole bunch of movies figuring I wouldn't sleep later. We came home and James put in some of the garden poles. I did stuff around the house. In between contractions I felt so good. I felt a sort of high. James and I did a lot of cuddling. It felt really wonderful during contractions. Again we wanted to make love so badly but didn't. How frustrating!

We went on a walk around the neighborhood that evening. Contractions were definitely stronger and starting to stay consistent at last! About 6 minutes apart! I had to stop and moan through these on our walk. I was so happy. I felt as if things were finally starting. I was afraid to go to sleep that night. I was afraid things would slow if I did. After the walk we took a drive up the hill to the fog. It was so beautiful.

We came home, ate and watched one of the movies. The loudness from the television annoyed me. It broke my concentration during contractions. By now I felt very much a part of my labor. I knew exactly what to do. I went to bed and woke up every 5 minutes through contractions. Again, I slept sitting up since it was painful to lie down. Oh how my butt was getting numb! I almost slept in our recliner but I really wanted to be close to James. In the night James would wake up often and check to see what I needed. I was fine, but I felt very supported by his presence and willingness. I felt so nurtured!

Monday, August 9:

Now I was getting pretty tired --Two night of highly interrupted sleep, and I really love my sleep. I felt that baby would come today. I didn't know whether that was intuition or I was expecting things to go as they did with Byron's birth. It was clear that James needed to stay home from work today. At some point in the morning, our friend Nicole had called. I didn't feel like talking to anyone so James talked with her briefly.

Contractions were stronger and 4 minutes apart. Very consistent! James made me a wonderful breakfast: tofu and fresh veggies from Willows garden on sourdough toast. Yum! I had to stop eating and focus during contractions. I discovered that it was easier to just go with the sensations and feel them. I would acknowledge the feeling and close my eyes and just feel it opening me up. I loved to look out one of our windows at the trees on our folding chair. It felt good to lean forward on the chair and feel the sunshine. As things intensified, I started to panic when the chair didn't stay steady. It would sink back. James was there to support me but it didn't work. I knew I was going to the next level of labor. I had done this once before. It got harder for me to find a routine. Finally I did and was able to focus.

I spent some time outside. It was such a beautiful day. All weekend there had been overcast which was the first all summer. We thought baby was waiting for the rain to fall. But today it was warm and sunny. I noticed a little green caterpillar on the pine tree next to our deck. It was so amazing. I felt like a child who just discovered something beautiful. I had to show James. He was working on the garden, playing nice music and helping me whenever I needed it. Throughout contractions he would touch me gently and tell me how much he loved me or how beautiful I looked. He got me raspberry ice and whatever I wanted. I felt like a goddess. I loved being outside but it was getting too warm so I went inside.

We went on a walk but didn't get very far. According to James, contractions were 2-3 minutes apart. My back was starting to hurt, and I felt too hot in the sun. I really needed James near me now. I wanted to go home. I felt bad thinking that James really wanted to complete the walk. He reassured me that it was okay to go home. I wanted to get into the jacuzzi. I was saving that for when things got REALLY strong. Well, now they were. I kept wondering if I was in transition yet. I came home and took all of my clothes off. It was SO hot! I got into the tub. James got the birth supplies ready outside. We weren't sure if I would stay in until the birth. If labor slowed down I would get out for a while.

The tub seemed to help with the back pain at first. Labor was slowing down though. A few contractions later the back pain did not go away. James was in the tub with me rubbing my back. My back/hips burned. I was feeling frustrated that it hurt, contractions were slowing and it was hot outside (3pm). I also felt exposed outside. I needed a cozy rather than a wide open space. I finally let go and cried as I was getting out of the jacuzzi. James gave me lots of love and support and just let me go through it. We went in after I felt a little better.

Things were getting really strong. I really didn't feel much in the way of contractions anymore. Instead, I was feeling a lot of pressure on my rectum and my hips were burning. I couldn't deal with both sensations at once. I tried to talk myself through and get in touch with the sensations, acknowledging the peak and telling myself that I can do this. It was very difficult. I really needed James now, and would need him the rest of the time non-stop. I asked for a hot pack for my hips, and James suggested a hot shower. Several contractions later I got in the shower. It felt wonderful! It helped the burning in my hips so then I could just focus on the rectal pressure. The hotter the water on my hips the better!

Earlier I had washed my hands and checked my cervix. I still felt a little cervix and a bubble. I couldn't feel the back of my cervix fingers were too short. So I didn't really know how far I was and I wasn't sure what exactly that bubble was. I felt like maybe I wasn't as far as I had thought. My intuition said 8-9cm. I was afraid that I wasn't far along at all and I was just a big baby and couldn't handle any pain. I didn't want this to go on another day. I could not stand another night going through this. All of this was going through my mind as I was in the shower. I knew that the hot water could run out soon so I got out.

I dreaded each contraction. I kept feeling as if I had to have a bowel movement. I sat on the toilet which brought on unbearable contractions. At one point I needed James in front of me to help me focus. I cried and yelled out. It helped a lot to sit backwards on the toilet. Things were moving along and I was definitely getting close. Though at the time I didn't think so. I wanted to rip apart whatever was in sight. I started doing so to a towel hanging in front of me. James thought I needed to hang onto it so he held it so I could do so. I couldn't do this anymore; yet I had no choice but to do this, but how? I was tired and discouraged. James brought me in a card he had once given me. It said, "when we often feel like we are failing we are often near success." That felt really encouraging. I felt good that he believed in me because I sure didn't. He was there through every contraction pushing as hard as he could on my hips. He suggested a walk. No way! I needed to rest. I needed a break. I was afraid that I was getting exhausted so I took some ginger tincture. I couldn't sit down because there was too much pressure on my rectum. Was it baby's head? I didn't feel an urge to push, but I did feel like I had to go to the bathroom. I tried to push through one contraction. Nothing much happened though it did help because I could focus on the pushing and yell out.

I checked my cervix again. That bubble was half way down my birth canal! The baby is coming! I had a huge smile on my face and told James. I felt a new energy. I could do this now! I became very present. This was too good to be true. So I started questioning my intuition. What was that bubble anyways? At first I thought it was the sac. It couldn't be the sac since it broke on Friday. Was it baby's butt? I didn't feel any bones. Was baby's head molded? Was it a blood clot? What was it? It felt so fleshy. We checked heart tones and they were perfect. James looked with a light and saw a rosy color. I decided it was time to call Willow and have her come. She thought it was the water. I decided that I was going to push whatever it was out. So I got off of the phone. I got to the steps and felt it coming down further. I told James that if we didn't hurry we were having the baby here in our living room instead of the water. We went down and got into the tub.

I felt the bubble more through contractions. I pushed through each contraction and felt it come down with each one. I felt baby move down in my belly. It was a strange feeling. I felt a really strong urge to push. James was trying to get the video camera set up. I needed him here to press on my hips. I felt the bag moving down further. With one big push -- what felt like a balloon blew out! I thought it was a clot and expected to turn around and see blood. There was none. It was my bag of water! James said he thought he saw meconium. I asked him what color and consistency. He said green. The tub was crystal clear so I wasn't worried.

I was ready to meet our baby. I didn't plan on pushing, but for some reason I needed to. I didn't push hard. I felt our baby. I felt her face! I felt a nose, eye and cheek a face presentation! I had James feel what I felt. He didn't feel much. This was really surreal. I had a feeling earlier in the month about a face presentation. I was fascinated by it when I saw it in books. James asked what would happen with a face. I let him know that it was okay. I probably would tear though.

Our neighbor, Elaine heard us and asked if we needed anything. I was self conscious about the noise and apologized. She was really nice about everything. I felt supported.

I felt more of baby's head behind my public bone. There was so much more than what was in my birth canal. It was amazing! I did my own perineal support near my clit and urethra. I was really afraid of tearing there. I didn't feel much on my perineum though. I pushed with each contraction giving in to the urges. I tried to do gentler pushes so baby could come at her own time. Baby came down and rested on my perineum. That burned but it was okay. That burning was my biggest fear throughout pregnancy and it wasn't such a big deal after all. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. It was hard to keep up with the perineal support. I wanted to just give up on it and tear. But I realized that I really didn't want to go to the hospital for stitches, so I continued. James supported my perineum while I supported my urethra. I figured I would tear anyway, but I wanted to do my part to prevent it as much as possible.

I felt so powerful pushing. I yelled from the deepest spot inside of me. I felt so primal during the pushing and present in between pushing. One big push yelling working as hard as I could out came her head! Finally! The hardest part was over. I did it! James was elated. I could hear it in his voice when he told me that our baby had a head full of dark hair. I asked what baby's color was like. He said it was good. Here I was with a head in between my legs. I thought the concept was kind of funny. So I turned around to James to show him. As I turned I could feel the pressure of a baby inside my birth canal and I couldn't really move. So as I was turning I said, " Hey James I have a head between my legs Oh shit!" I stayed turned around though I don't remember it at all. The next contraction came and out wriggled baby's body into her fathers hands. I opened my eyes and James was holding her above the water handing her to me. She cried immediately. James and I cried. We did it!

I sat down after 40 minutes of squatting in the water. I was trying to find a way to keep baby warm in the water. We put her hat on. I nursed her. We finally looked to see what her gender was. We had thought throughout the pregnancy that she was a girl. Elaine asked us what we had. A girl! I apologized again for the noise. She said, "there's nothing better than hearing a woman give birth." How wonderful!

The water was too deep and the air was too cold so I decided to get out. It felt better to sit in a chair. I felt so refreshed! We went upstairs to our room and gazed at our new daughter. She had little bits of reddish hair on the side with the rest being brown. We called Willow back to let her know what had happened. Then I felt a trickle of blood; it was time for the placenta. I was looking forward to the feeling of the placenta coming out. It felt like a little massage after Byron's birth. I got up and squatted over a chux pad. Out it came! It looked so big and healthy. We were planning on a Lotus birth but Luna's foot kept pulling on the cord. I was afraid it would pull too much on her. So with a great deal of resignation, we cut the cord several hours after her birth. We saved the placenta to eventually bury under a special fruit tree for Luna.

We were amazed at how clean this birth was. I didn't bleed much afterwards. There was no tearing! We weighed Luna and she weighed at least 8 lbs! I was so proud; no tearing, and an 8lb baby with a face presentation the widest possible diameter! She was so mellow. We called family and friends. I wanted to call Byron at his dads but it was too late. I wish he could have been there he was truly in my heart the entire time. We settled in, curled up and went to sleep.

A few days later we weighed Luna at the co-op on their digital scale, 8.32 lbs! Wow! We didn't have a name picked out until two days later which was the new moon. That was when we named her Luna.

Byron came out four days after her birth. That was when I felt our birth experience was complete.

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